Father said I could write this story to explain my
journey. He said that His children are having a hard
time understanding, and he sent me to explain the
process. He said that He has heard the cries and He
understands the pain of not knowing and wants to let
his people understand, The Journey.
Father told
me that he would teach me about different kinds of
fruit and that he would help me to teach the world
about those same things. He said that most people
think of fruit as a healthy snack. He said that there
are other kinds of fruit also. He said that His people
would bear good fruit. By that he meant do good things.
But the fruit he told me I was sent to teach His children
about was the “Fruit of the Spirit.” Father
told me that he had written about that kind of fruit
in His Holy Word in a book called “Galatians”.
But he told me that many of His children hadn’t
read that book yet and were having a hard time understanding
their journeys. He told me the “Fruit of the
Holy Spirit” is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience,
Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self
Control. This is the kind of fruit He wanted to remind
His children of. This is why He wanted to send me
to my new family. Then they can teach the world about
His fruit, and about his love.
I am new
to this, brand new really. Father told me that I am
at first a thought, a notion, between my parents.
He said that they first thought of me before they
were ever married. They began planning to meet me.
At first they called me “Some Day”. They
would say, “Some Day… we will be parents.
Some Day… we will teach our child to be strong.”
Daddy said – “Some Day… we will
go to ballet recitals.” Mommy said – “Some
Day… We will go to baseball games.” They
both said – “Some Day… We will kiss
it all better and make everything ok.”
After a few
months of dreaming of me, Father says that my Daddy
and Mommy decided it was time to pray hard and start
trying to conceive me. Of course, they knew it was
really up to Father to decide when “Some Day”
would come. It was a time our Father called August.
He called me out of Heaven’s Nursery and told
me that tonight was the night, that my parents’
dreams and wishes would come true. It was hard for
them to wait, but they trusted our Father to have
the perfect timing. During this time, Father said
he was teaching my Mommy and Daddy “Patience”.
Father told
me that it would take a couple of months before My
Mommy and Daddy would know that I am here. I can feel
strange things happening to me. It feels strange to
be growing a physical body. Father’s hands are
knitting me together just exactly according to His
plans. It is amazing to feel him so close to me. His
hands do the craftwork with precision and yet are
so sweet and soft. This is what he described as “Gentleness”.
I can feel
very distinct parts forming. I know where my top is
and where my feet are forming. My Mommy told my Daddy
that she is wondering if “Some Day” may
be coming soon. She took test just this morning. When
she told my Daddy to start making plans for a Mother’s
Day gift next year I heard him laugh out loud! I can
feel them dancing together. This is what my Father
described as “Joy”.
Growing inside
my Mommy feels so warm and happy. I can hear her singing
whenever we are moving around. I can feel her giggles.
I can sense when she is tired. Mommy hasn’t
been feeling well. She doesn’t seem that upset
about it though. She says that she is just so happy
that I am inside her. She sings songs I have heard
in the Heavenly choir. They are so beautiful when
my Mommy sings them to me.
I hear my
Daddy say that my name is Jordan. He says I will be
named Jordan whether I am a boy or a girl. Now everyone
is calling me Jordan. Daddy says it means “Poured
out from Heaven”. Even my Big Brothers call
me Jordan. I hear them every night say “Good
night Jordan, I love you.” Wow, so that is “love”.
I think that is Love is the best one so far.
When I know
that Mommy is very still, and laying down, I try extra
hard to move around and show her that I am in here.
I can hear her laughter as she places what she calls
Daddy’s hand over me. I can feel his hand on
Mommy’s tummy, I feel the pressure. I can hear
him talking to her. I kick so hard, hoping that one
of these times he will feel me through the distance.
Daddy started
talking to me every night. He reads a book called
“Winnie the Pooh” and makes his voice
do unusual things. I really like this. When I hear
Daddy’s voice, I always kick and jump. I am
so happy. This must be what Father was talking about
when he mentioned “Goodness”.
I know my
parents are scared now. I do not understand everything
that they say, but they are talking about a test they
took. The test told them that there is something wrong
with me. How can there be anything wrong with me?
I know that the Father is knitting me together exactly
the way I am supposed to be. But I know they are so
afraid. They mention Trisomy 18. I have heard my Father
mention that before. He told me that it is a special
stitch. He didn’t invent it, but sometimes it
happens. When it does happen, it means that babies
will be born and serve their entire purpose in a shorter
time than many people do. He told me that it means
that I have to make sure and teach the world about
the fruit and the journey very quickly because there
won’t be time for procrastination. That is a
big word, and I don’t really understand it all
together but I did understand that it meant that I
need to hurry.
My Mommy and
Daddy told the Father that they trust Him. They said
that they know he has a special plan for me. They
admitted that they are very afraid but agreed to be
used for the good of His Kingdom. I know they are
telling Father that they will go \wherever He sends
them, but they do seem very sad about it. I do not
understand everything that is happening. I still feel
warm and safe though. I know that I am in the Father’s
hands and I know that My Mommy and Daddy love the
Father and trust Him no matter what. This is what
my Father told me was “Peace.”
My Mommy
and Daddy went to a doctor today. The doctor was telling
them that the Father made a mistake. What does that
mean? She said that they should send me to \Heaven
sooner than the Father planned. I do not understand
all of this. I do not think that I am a mistake. My
Mommy was crying and my Daddy said “No.”
to the doctor. He told her that I am not a mistake.
He told her that he loves me and wants to follow Father’s
plan. My Daddy said that he would find a new doctor.
My Daddy was very upset at the doctor but also wanted
her to learn to know the Father so he was very nice
to her. This is what the Father called “Self
Control.”
My Mommy
is relieved, I can tell. She didn’t know what
to do, and my Daddy is taking good care of us. He
found us a new doctor who believes that our Father
does not make mistakes. Our new Doctor said that he
wants to do the Father’s will. My parents are
so happy with the new Doctor that they gave me his
name! I am now, Jordan William. I like my name very
much. My Daddy says that Dr. Williams is a good example
of “Faithfulness.”
The Father
told me that I do not have much time left to teach
them about the fruit, only a few days. It is harder
now because I am feeling so sleepy. I can hear Daddy’s
voice and it sounds so nice, but I am too tired to
jump and kick. My Mommy is afraid because I am so
tired. She asks Daddy to take us to the hospital to
see if I am doing ok. The nurses there are very kind
to Mommy and Daddy. They say that they should stay
the night. My Mommy’s friends offer to take
good care of my Big Brothers and they bring them to
the hospital in the morning. More of Mommy’s
friends come in the morning. Everyone wants to help
my Mommy and Daddy. Dr. Williams comes into the room
to tell them that I should be born today! I am very
happy that I get to meet them today. I am also very
tired and I even though I want to jump for joy, I
just can’t do it. I can hear Dr. Williams as
he talks to our Father.
Wow, is that
light? It is so bright now! It is not as warm out
here as it was inside my Mommy. “Hi, Jordan!”
Oh that is Daddy’s voice. I hear my Daddy’s
voice more clear than ever! I can see my Daddy! He
looks so big and strong! A nurse is carrying me, she
brings me to my Mommy. “Hi, Jordan, I love you
so much.” I hear my Mommy say. What is that?
She put her lips on mine. That is a kiss from my Mommy!
This must be goodness! I have felt so many things
these past seven months but Mommy’s kiss is
so sweet. I am so happy about “Goodness!”
Now I am
in a warm bed. I hear the nurses telling Daddy about
the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. They call it the
“NICU”. I hear things making a lot of
noise. I hear buzzers, beepers, pumps, thumps. Then
I hear such a wonderful thing, my Big Brothers are
here to see me. “Hi, Jordan!” They all
say it together. They really are so much bigger than
I am. I hear the doctor telling Zachary that I am
two pounds six ounces. Ben says “He’s
so little!” Christopher says “Oh Cute!”
I am glad my brothers are here with me. It is a little
bit easier to stay awake out here, but I still feel
very tired. The nurses are very sweet to me. I can
hear them talking with Father too. I am glad that
they are His children!
My Daddy and Brothers are with me a lot. I hear someone
say that my Mommy will be here as soon as she is out
of recovery. I miss her but this is the first time
I have been alone with the boys and that is fun too.
I hear Zachary say he loves me. My Big Brothers all
love me so much. I see Daddy’s smile and I know
that is because he has so much joy at seeing me. I
try to smile back but my mouth has a ventilator in
it. I hope he knows how happy I am to be his son.
After five
hours they let my Mommy out of recovery. She has a
look on her face that I understand. She knows that
the Father is in control now, and even though she
is very scared, she is glad that the Father is here
with us. I understand that she is feeling peace. The
doctors can not tell her yet if I can stay for long.
She will have to wait for the Father’s plan
to unfold. She has learned patience so she decides
to enjoy me no matter what.
My Mommy’s
friends are all by her side. She is never alone. They
are taking photos of me, and telling her how beautiful
I am. I am glad they are showing her so much kindness.
Everyone
wants to do what is best for my Mommy, Daddy, Brothers
and me. They want us to all be ok. One nurse even
took our photo together. They are giving my Mommy
and Daddy encouragement. Daddy’s friends from
church brought flowers into Mommy’s room. They
are showing Mommy and Daddy goodness.
My doctor
is Dr. Traugott. He wants to do the Father’s
will for me. He wants to make sure that I am feeling
no pain. He wants to allow me to stay with Mommy and
Daddy for exactly the amount of time that the Father
has decided. He is showing faithfulness.
The nurses
take good care of me and talk very sweetly to me.
One nurse even put real clothes on me. She moved my
arms and legs so softly. I now understand this is
Gentleness.
My Brothers
want to play with me, but they know that I am not
strong enough. They ask the nurses to show them how
to take good care of me. They only do the things that
they are supposed to do. They are showing excellent
self control.
I know they
all know about the fruit now. It shouldn’t be
much longer before My Father comes for me. I hope
they understand the journey. I hope they know that
I am not going far away.
I am even
more tired now. I can hear the Heavenly choir again.
I can see angels. I hear Father’s voice more
clearly than my Daddy’s. I know that soon it
is time for me to go back to the Father. Dr. Traugott
has made sure that I am not in any pain. I am very
thankful for that. I can hear my Daddy crying. I wish
I could stay with him, but I know that they already
have learned about the fruit.
Father explains
to me that they may not understand the journey today.
They may not understand the fruit today either. He
told me that “Some Day” they will look
back and understand it all. He told me that their
blessing is coming “Some Day” a day when
they are ready.
My parents’
friends and family, my brothers, and my Mommy and
Daddy are all around me now. I feel even more sleepy.
I hear the angels’ songs even louder. The choir
is so nice, I want to go closer to them, but I also
want to stay with Mommy and Daddy. Mommy tells me
she knows I can see the angels. She tells me it is
ok to go. Mommy says that she will be with me in the
blink of an eye.
Daddy is holding
me. I feel his strength. I love Daddy so much. I wish
I could stay with him. But I know that my Heavenly
Daddy is waiting for me. I will only be a blink away
from him. In just a blink Daddy we will be together.
I gather all of my strength and try to tell him this
but all that comes from my mouth is a few bubbles.
My Daddy giggles a little bit as he sees the bubbles,
I feel his tears falling on my face. I hope he knows
what the bubbles mean.
My Father
is reaching for me now, he tells me it is time for
me to be a Prince in his Kingdom. The King of Kings
is calling me home! He carries me to the gates of
Heaven and shows me the most beautiful mansion I could
imagine and tells me that my parents will be joining
me in a blink of an eye. I am so glad, I squeeze my
eyes shut as hard as I can and turn my head ready
to see my family.
The support, information and encouragement provided by the PPFL parents is not meant to take the place of medical advice by a medical professional. Any specific questions about care should be directed to a health care professional familiar with the situation.
